Firstly..

I am thinking it has been about 5 years since I blogged. I really don't know what to think about all of this!! I am excited to start really.. Because this is such an important time in my life, I want to write about it, in detail. Firstly I want to point out that nothing is EVER what it seems. I should really start from the beginning. 

Growing up was pretty normal. Okay I lied. Growing up, for me was very enduring. I didn't meet my father until I was two. My grandmother was like my second mom, and my mom played the mommy and daddy role. I've never had a good relationship with my father, but that is another story. My sister came along when I was 4 1/2 years old and we didn't have a good relationship either until we became adults and a lot of things happened around the time my sister was born that affected my relationship with her. My grandmother was the main thing though. A year and two days after my sister was born, my grandmother (Mamaw) passed away after a 4 year fight with breast cancer- and I am still not over it. I was a pretty normal teenager, but after I met my high school sweetheart things went down hill. We were together for 3 years, and the entire time, I was cheated on. I admit, I had anger issues, but after everything in my life, I was a sad child. I was never happy and so to counter act the anger and sadness after our break up I resorted to drugs and alcohol. I became the person you wouldn't want your children hanging out with. I WAS the bad influence. I was the kid that made their parents lives a living hell. 

Until one night.. I had enough. I was tired of resorting to drugs for happiness. I knew I was hurting my family. So I broke down and prayed. I fought and cried for an hour until I gave up. I gave up fighting with the lord about the control over my life. I quit drugs that night- which was sometime during 2006. But still I had control, the lord helped me through the rough life I was living. I became normal once again. I worked and hung out with my friends, until the point that I was becoming an alcoholic. Drinking every night, and thinking that if I didn't have alcohol in my system that I couldn't be happy. Once again I started falling into that same familiar black hole. I met my future husband sometime in the Spring of 2007. We started dating in October 2007 and were married May 31st 2008.  Everything was perfect, for about 6 months. Then the fights started happening. We argued about money more than anything. He said I blew money, but he never gave me more than 20 bucks at a time. Not to mention that at the same time my mother was battling the very thing that killed my grandmother.. I was so depressed. I never told people about the financial situation we were in, and how unhappy I was becoming. I started falling out of love with him, and made excuses as to why I was feeling this way. I didn't know what to do.

1 month before our 2 year anniversary, I started to realize that things needed to change, and very quickly at that- and then something happened. I met two amazing guys. Ministers from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Now, if you don't know about these guys, let me just tell you- they are some of the most selfless, hard working awesome people you will ever meet. My first encounter with them was in December of 2009, but I wasn't interested. I had too much control over my life. But in April, it was like, I was ready.. and I had waited my entire life for that moment. To hear about Christ, and to know him and to build a relationship with my father in heaven. I will post my conversion story later, because I there is so much detail. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would turn my entire way of life around because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I became so happy that I realized how miserable I had been. My husband and I decided that a divorce on good terms, which would be better than trying over and over again, to let it all end violently. I made excuses as to why I was not happy at the time, but I knew in the end.. I knew. So now i'm single and loving my life. I am okay with it. I know that there is more out there than this little town in North Alabama. There is a life and a plan that is so much bigger than I am. The eternal aspect has came into play, and it is wonderful! 

I decided to move out of the state. To get away from things here, and leave it all in my past, where it belongs. I am starting my life over. I am so excited to see what else the lord has in store for me. So this is my blog. It will be random at times, and make no sense and other times, it will be so deep, that it will completely destroy your mind. My name is Jenna Gay, and this is my life.