So this is what I have came to.

It has taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on this, because I know how many people have heard different stories and I really need to set the record straight.

Last year Shaun's ex girlfriend Jennie basically told him that she didn't want me listening in on their conversation (he always put her on speaker, not because I asked him to, he just always did it. I didn't think anything of it..) I thought her request was odd because it made it sound like she wanted to keep their conversations secret from his wife. February I sent a message to her asking if she was still in love with Shaun. I wanted to know why she wants to keep such a close relationship with him, and how uncomfortable it makes me feel that they are so close because of the amount of energy she puts into being so close to him. I poured my heart out, and after I sent the message she asked if we could talk on the phone. She told me that she understood how I felt and that she expected me to come forward eventually with my concerns. After it was said and done I was okay, for a little while. She knew I was uneasy with their friendship, but I would never tell Shaun who he can and cannot be friends with. A few months later she stopped talking to me. She ignored every text I sent to her (checking on her little girl when she was sick and the like) it was rare for me to text her but she flat out ignored me when I did, then she started texting and calling Shaun nearly on a daily basis. I decided after weeks of her constant contact with my husband that I would tell her to back off. I sent another message to her asking her to just back off a bit, she knew how uneasy she made me and that texting a married man whom she had a 3 year relationship with was not appropriate. I never told her to stop talking to him, I simply asked her to slow it down. She came back with a hateful message telling me that she thought I was unstable and she would not stop talking to Shaun. She told me that I have taken all of his friends away and she was all he had left.

First of all, I have never taken a single friend away from Shaun, I have never told him what to do or who he can and cannot talk to. However, when you are married, you tend to be not as social with people you were as close to before of the opposite sex, it just happens. After a long ordeal of her calling me names and telling me what a horrible person I am, Shaun talked to her and told her to give us a few weeks without her constantly texting him. The next day she posted on Facebook how she is no longer allowed to speak to her friend of 10 years and that he is going through spousal isolation abuse and that I have taken away his friends, family and hobbies and that she needed advice to give to him.

I am his wife, so yes he talks to me more than anyone, he spends time with me, and he doesn't take his girlfriends on outings alone anymore- that comes with being married. You see, Jennie doesn't understand that apparently. The entire time she was dating, engaged or married to her soon to be ex husband she spent plenty of alone time with Shaun, and he took her out to eat and did activities with her. I would never be okay with him going out alone with her as he is a married man, and that goes against everything I believe should happen in a marriage. He is perfectly fine with that, and our marriage is so good. We never fight or argue. We have a gorgeous little girl and we are very happy. I have honestly never been as happy as I am now, and the same goes for Shaun. I am not controlling nor do I care who he talks to, however the everyday texting from his ex girlfriend was extremely excessive so that is why I asked her to slow it down. She has since then proceeded to get involved in a family issue with Shaun's sister, and she continuously posts things about me on Facebook without ever saying my name- it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who she is talking about.

After the first post, Shaun called her and asked her to take it down, and he told her that was inaccurate and not the situation at all. She then told him she would go away until she is 100% sure she won't get in trouble for talking to him. Who said she would get in trouble? Who said she can never talk to him? She has made me out to be a monster, and she has thrown the entire situation completely out of proportion. She put words into my mouth that I never said, and made the situation seem like she is a victim and I am the bitch who is out to get her.

It is not okay in my opinion to keep a close relationship with an ex, no matter who you are, if you are married or even dating someone seriously. Even with my firm belief on that, I never said he couldn't speak to her, nor did I tell her she couldn't speak to him. She has managed to convince people that I am this horrible person that controls Shaun, and that is not even remotely close to how I am. I don't care what Shaun does, I don't care who he is friends with and what his hobbies are. I would never take away anything from him- I'm not that kind of person, I never have been. And anyone who knows me, knows that I am not like that either. This is all coming from a girl who has met me in person maybe 3 times.
 
I am confused as to why Jennie feels like she needs to be so close to Shaun though, and why she thinks he would ever take her side over mine. She acts like their friendship means more than our marriage. She has never had to share Shaun with anyone. I am the most serious relationship of his life, and she is apparently not used to that. She has always leaned on Shaun and every time she had issues with a guy, she always ran to him. Being married put a stop to that. It is blatantly obvious that she has no idea what being committed to someone means. Her continuous attacks at me has not only disrespected me, it disrespects Shaun. He is my best friend, my husband and the father of my daughter- I have replaced her as his best friend, confidant, and love interest. I am his wife and that is what happens when you get married. In my opinion, she drug Shaun around for years while he waited on her to come back to him, to ultimately chose someone else. She used him to get over this one and that one- I just do not understand how she thought treating him like that would ever be okay. I would never do that to anyone- it has been done to be before though, and it sucks.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you attack me, my friends or my family. In this case she attacked all three.  I could have said that she is absolutely not needed anymore in his life and I would like her to never speak to him again, but I didn't. I could have called her a home wrecker and countless other names, but I didn't. Her true character came out 3 weeks ago, and every time she says something else it burns just a little more of the bridge. I honestly have nothing for her. I do not want her in his life anymore- not after the way she has treated me or him. She needs to focus on her own family rather than try to involve herself in mine. Whatever giant place she feels like she has in Shaun's life was filled by his family, and in all honesty, she really is not needed anymore. Everyone I have ever explained this situation to have all said the same thing, "I would never be okay with my husband having a friendship with his ex, and she has more than over stepped the line."

The thing is, it isn't Shaun I worry about, it is her. I have absolutely no trust for this girl now, especially after everything that has happened. But even all that aside, her blatant disregard for Shaun's marital status baffles me.

So that is the story, and what is going on. So for all of you that have thought that I am this monster that Jennie has created in her mind, let me assure you, I am the exact opposite. I am not the one who wants a close relationship with my ex boyfriend who's is now married. I would never disrespect someone the way she has done my entire family. Maybe one day she will learn how to put her big girl panties on and get over it, and how to respect when someone is married. Maybe she will learn how to put as much effort as she does into my marriage with Shaun into her own family. It's sad that she is so unhappy that she feels the need to involve herself in my husbands life. I would hate to be so pathetic that the only entertainment I get is by trying to rip others down. I would never think that a married guy-friend's life revolves around me- I would never be that naive. But then again, she is young. Maybe she just needs time- although by the time I was 16 I knew the kind of respect she lacks. This isn't a bash on her, it is however, an observation- a pretty accurate one, if I do say so myself.









This ordeal is far from being over. I am sure she will try to come back into his life, and once again I will have to tell her to back off, as I am sure she will over step the line again. It is apparent she has no grasp of what a boundary means. I could have gotten on Facebook and called her all the names that she called me- publicly, I could have called her and cussed her out and told her exactly what I thought of her- but thankfully, my mother taught me to have more class than that. If I could erase her memory from Shaun's mind, I would. At this point, after the hell I have been through with this girl, I would do it in a heartbeat. I really just want her to understand where I am coming from, instead of saying I am unstable or crazy simply because I do not want my husband's ex constantly in contact with him. A monogamous marriage is between two people, a polygamist marriage is between more than two. Shaun and I have a monogamous marriage, therefore, it does not include Jennie Waite. It includes Shaun Bailey & Jenna Bailey. It is my husband and I. I honestly do not know how else to explain it. It is simple. I am at a loss though. His friendship with her was innocent on his part, but I do not believe it was on hers. Their friendship meant a lot to him, but he was perfectly fine keeping it a minimum for my sake, she, however, was not. So what does that say about her? That she is selfish? Yeah, I would say so. It was all or nothing for her. Either she talks to him multiple times a week, or not at all. Is it completely crazy for me to think that she has no right to give him any type of ultimatum? I don't even do that to him. So who is the abusive one? I would say that she abused her privilege of being friends with a married man, and in the end, he is the one who suffered.

Shaun is my best friend. My husband. My entire world.. And even though I am sure she is confident he and I will never last, I am not going anywhere and neither is he. We are playing for keeps.. We take 'til death do us part seriously. We will grow old together, and watch our children and grand children grow up. Even if he and I were on the rocks, we would fix it, not walk away. Unlike most of her relationships, Shaun and I have never had issues what so ever, and the only thing that has caused some stress is this situation. Really, it is not even worth our time anymore. Worrying about my husband's ex should be the absolute last thing on my mind. So instead of dwelling on it anymore today, I am going to go play with my daughter, and put my time into something actually worth while.

The Baby Boom

It is time to blog again. I keep taking crazy breaks. Oh well. I know that there are some people that do not have me added on FB that tend to keep up with me here, so I really should update more often. I have been so busy lately, and sick, so blogging has been the last thing on my mind. I also notice, that the happier I am, the less I blog. I use it more to get things out than anything, but this update is necessary. :)

So in the first week of March I found out that I was about 4 weeks pregnant. It has been an adventure to say the least. At 5 weeks 5 days, I started getting morning sickness, that turned into hyperemesis gravidarum which is a severe form of morning sickness. Basically I wasn't getting enough nutrients myself mostly in part because of the gastric bypass, but I became pretty weak, and eventually was admitted to LDS hospital, as that is where I will be delivering. Shaun has been absolutely perfect.. Not just because I am sick, but through out everything. Since I met him, every day he amazes me more and more. I am not sure how I ended up so lucky, but I am thankful. Oh so thankful.

As of today I am 11 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I am so close to the second trimester I can nearly touch it. I am ready to feel better. I was released after a night, and I am back at home now. My diet consists of: Gatorade, Cranberry juice (not cocktail), protein drink similar to Ensure that is for diabetics (because I can not have sugar or lactose), sugar free pudding cups, crackers, and various types of broth. I feel hungry, but I get so sick off of everything, I would nearly rather starve.

We have names picked out, but they are subject to change. I mean, they are permanent.. so we need to pick ones that we really love. Shaun picked out the girl name- Loralei Rae; and I picked out the boy name- Grayson David. We are very excited to bring a little miracle into the world. I just wish my body felt better. I have been on leave from work for a while, and will stay on leave until 14 weeks. Just to make sure I am safe to go back. I do not want to leave them hanging.

I want to rant about a few things while I am here. With all of the amazing things happening in my life, there are always a few rotten situations that bring me down. The first one is that because this pregnancy is a miracle- I was told for nearly 10 years I couldn't have kids- we are naturally very excited. Our families are excited, and everyone is overcome with joy. Especially my Mom, of course. But my friends that are LDS (not all.. just most) are not really supportive. Thats okay, what sucks is that around 95% didn't even say congrats. These are friends I have been extremely close to in the past. They think that I am this sinful person that just fell completely off the band wagon, and shunned. At least that is what I am assuming. They don't talk to me anymore, and it kinda breaks my heart. Its not like I was out with some random guy and got knocked up. Shaun and I talked about getting married a good month or so before I found out I was pregnant. This was something that was already in the works, the baby has nothing to do with it- it is just a little extra surprise. We are getting married, we love each other very much. I couldn't imagine my life without him. 26 years is a heck of a time to wait to be with someone. I feel like I have known him my entire life. Anyway, back to topic. I just wish people would not judge so quickly, and just be happy for someone else's happiness. My happiness is because I found who I am supposed to be with and we have created a life. It is a pretty amazing feeling.

Anyway, I am due November 9th. :)

Until next time.

4 months!

4 months. I can't believe I haven't blogged in 4 months. So much has happened, and changes in my life are in abundance. I moved back to Orem from Cedar City. I finished out my last semester at SUU and applied to Weber State in Ogden, Utah. (Oh and I decided to go to Grad School) I miss Cedar, but not like I missed north central Utah. Towards the middle of December I met this amazing guy named Shaun. December 18th was our first date and he completely blew me away. That night he asked for a second date and the rest is pretty much history. Every day he amazes me more. :) Things progressed and we are now moving in together this weekend. I start at Weber in August, and I have been applying to jobs in SLC over the past few weeks. I have had a few call backs, and a couple of interviews. So heres hoping to a new job! Since I moved to Orem, I found a temp job with a great little company in Provo, my contract is now up so thus the reason for finding a "new" job. 

Shaun and I took a trip to Michigan to see my Dad. It was the first time in about 8 years since I have saw him in person and over 15 years for the rest of my family that we saw. It was such a good trip. Shaun is the first guy to ever meet my Dad, so needless to say I was pretty nervous. Things went well, and my family absolutely loved Shaun. Which I didn't think that they wouldn't, he is pretty dang amazing. :) So other than packing up and moving this weekend to Bountiful with Shaun, finding a new job, starting at a new college to finish up my BS, deciding to go to grad school, and finding my better half, life has been pretty much the same. Okay, that was a lie. Life is amazing. It has changed so much.. and I am so happy.

So that is pretty much everything since November. I could write every single detail but honestly there is absolutely too much to type. So until next time. 

xoxo

Human Emotion.

I was looking at a list of the most powerful photos ever taken. Not only are the photos moving and beautiful, I also find that the emotion that is shown hits me to the core of my soul. We as human beings develop attachments to people, regardless if they are family or acquaintances. It is in our nature to love one another, to recognize hurt and pain and want to fix it, even if it is just a smile.

It is beautiful to me how we as a people can come together, to love one another regardless of our differences. I need to look past petty things myself, and look at the bigger picture. I mean, no one gets out alive anyway, might as well love one another as best as we can for as long as we can.

I am the type of person that tends to get overly attached to people I shouldn't. Something inside of me screams "LOVE THIS PERSON!" and so I do. I am never going to apologize for loving the people around me, even if I know they will hurt me in the end. From friends to potential mates for myself, I open my heart up entirely too quickly. But, in a sense, I am not ashamed. It may be naive... or stupid. I may know better.. but I don't care. That is who I am... I love people! I love to be around them, to know what they know, to understand the way they think. To learn them.

Human emotion is so strong- stronger than anything on this earth. It is what makes or breaks every decision we make in our lives. No matter how hard something may seem, anything is possible if you have the will and drive for it.

This was just something that was on my mind tonight, that I felt was appropriate for my blog.

Until next time.

xoxo

Politics. Here we go.

I posted this on Facebook, but felt it would be more appropriate for my blog. Enjoy my political rant for a moment. :)

Next time I hear someone say "Oh you just voted for Romney because he is Mormon.." I am going to snap. What I am about to say is no different than what you cray crays that think I am part of a cult and or brainwashed because I am Mormon have said to me. So don't come flying off the handle about how I am racist or a holy roller. I have an opinion and because my news feed has been blasted with crap for the past few months- I am going to take the time and post my opinion, you know, while I still can.

How about you guys look at the exit polls. If you guys wanna throw out racism and the like, look at this : Black males for Obama-88% Romney-11% Black women for Obama-96% Romney-3%. This may be offensive to some- and if it is, delete me. I could care less. But what the hell is that? You are going to tell me that you voted for the idiot because he is BLACK? I actually always vote republican (yes it is a perk that he is Mormon in my opinion but only because he utilizes his relationship with GOD in his daily tasks- he could be protestant for all I care as long as he at least has a relationship with God), and had Obama been republican then I am sure people would have still voted on him based solely on his skin color. Give me a break.

Oh I also want to point out that people with a lower education status (not college graduates and above) voted more for Obama than Romney. Thats right.. lets just let the government give us money so we can dip more into a recession because people are too damn lazy to get a real education and work for what they have.

I would like to take your minds back to this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpAOwJvTOio

I rest my case.

Control

I hate things I can not control. Well I suppose I can control a little bit of it, but for the most part it is not my decision that affects anything. I become overly involved and then feel this bottomless pit created in my heart when things start to go sour. I feel like my chest is empty. It is a very confusing feeling... very lost. I just want to start something, have it to last through the eternities. Sometimes I feel like it will never happen, other times I have more faith- today is not a day for full faith for me though. Today is a day that I am sitting here in utter confusion. Wondering what events that I had control over brought me to this point. I wish I could fix everything that I have ever done wrong, I wonder where my life would be. Who I would be. Never learning that is for sure. You have to make mistakes to learn anything- you learn and move on, that is just how it works.

So now, I am sitting here with my coffee pondering the day and what is to come. Yes coffee... sue me. I just don't know how to handle this. I don't know where to go, and when my confusion will end. I need to talk to someone... anyone that I can spill everything to and not worry about repercussion. I need to learn how to deal with what I am going through, because I will tell you one thing right now, I am NOT handling it well. I am not handling it like I should. I may seem calm on the outside, but inside, my soul is screaming. I am trying to contain every emotion that I have that is scraping to get out. I just want to be happy... and I was. And no, its not like someone died, or that I have lost my best friend, but it feels like that for time being. I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my emotions and desires. I need to understand better what I am doing and where I am going in my life. A part of me feels like I need to throw it all away, focus directly on school... but that will put me in a depression. I need human interaction, I need relationships that make me happy and excited for the future. At this point, that is one thing that I lack.

Calm. I need to be more calm. I need to take my own advice...

Unknown.

Something has got to give. I'd give absolutely anything to just feel content... every time I think everything is okay I am blind sided again. I don't even know what to expect anymore, and I am tired of guessing. I hate the unknown.