My Breaking Point

I am beyond aggravated. I told my boss's that the minimum day that I would come back after my surgery was the 29th of February because that would be the earliest the doctor would release me. Depending on complications during or after the surgery, my healing time could be spread out. Since my surgery I have been dealing with my back. I have a bulging disk that is pressing on my sciatic nerve. It causes my back to hurt and my leg to feel like it is being shredded open with a hot knife. The pain is unlike that of anything I have felt before. I have been trying to go back to work since the 29th, but have been unable to. I am running out of money.. and I can not pay my bills. They act like I am just out having a hay day.. I am in more pain than I can put into words. So week before last, I went to work on Thursday, but I couldn't sit for a long period of time because of my leg so after 2.5 hours I went home. On Friday, I went to physical therapy, then I was sent to a spine doctor. He decided to do a spinal injection.. which I might add was the most painful thing I have been through in a long time (that was physician induced). After which I was given a shot of demerol and sent home. I was home for a grand total of 10 minutes before I passed out cold and hit the kitchen floor. I ended up in the back of an ambulance. By Monday I was feeling pretty good but still needed to take the week off to let my back and nerve root heal from the procedure. This past Monday I was going back to work. I felt good, but on Saturday I got sick from something I ate (Good ol dumpings syndrome) and stayed sick until Sunday.. by 1 am Monday morning I was puking my guts out. Needless to say Monday, I was at home again. I started a period on Sunday as well, but this isn't a normal period, no, this is a period from hell. You see, I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short- and in the past 7 years I have missed a total of 80 periods. My body is now trying to make up for everything... I ended up at my primary care physicians office on Tuesday and now I am on pain killers. Great. I can't get off the narcotics! It is making me SO angry because I can't do anything for myself when I am on them, I have lost my self control it feels like.. So finally I decide I am going back to work today.. I am still cramping but not like I was (I was doubled over in pain, laying in the fetal position crying for over an hour), so off to work I go.. right? WRONG. I am awake at 5 am with the same pain that put me in the hospital in the first place.. in my leg. If he killed off the nerve root then WHY am I hurting now? I can barely walk.. I am so sleepy but I can't lay down, I can't stand, and I can barely sit for more than 5 minutes because I am hurting SO bad. Then I call work, they have no idea how aggravated I am.. its like they think I am skipping work for the fun of it. I have given them doctors note after doctors note.. and I can give them more, but they ask me to fax them all to  them for this past week. Why can't they just wait? Why do I have to go out of my way, in pain to make them happy? Honestly, I am done. They said they would work with me... they are accepting my notes, but my one manager has been short and rude with me since the whole ordeal started. Do they think that I want this??? HELL NO. All I want is to feel better.. I just want to feel normal. I can deal with the stomach thing, but my ovaries, my back and my leg?? I don't know what I did to deserve this... I don't know what I am doing wrong but.. I need a break. I am really close to just moving home again. Because then I don't have to worry about someone getting pissed off at me because I am in pain, because I can't walk, sit or stand. 


I just want to feel better.. Is that too much to ask? So now I am going to attempt to take a shower, then I am going to call my back doctor and get him to fix this... I can't take much more.