Since this past Friday, I have been ill. VERY ill. I feel like everyone is asking me too many questions. No I don't feel better, I can't get out and have fun like everyone else because I don't feel good, I don't have the money to do anything because I can't go back to work. I can NOT get out in the sun, so quit freaking asking. I have a SUN allergy and no amount of sunscreen stoops the itching, and I am not going to suffer through it just to hang out in the sun. I feel like I am rotting away in my apartment, I want to get out, and I want to feel better.. It seems like it is so much more of a burden for everyone else- I am a burden on everyone else. I have not battled depression since I joined the church but since my surgery, yeah, I am dealing with it again. I don't want help from anyone, I don't need help from anyone.
To the guy who thinks because we had one "hang out" (NOT A DATE), we are not in a relationship, quit freaking texting me. Please for the love of all that is holy, take a hint! I don't want to be mean, but I may have to.
I don't feel good.. okay. I just don't feel good. And I am to the point that I feel like I am losing my mind. And to top it all off, I am getting harassed on a daily basis to start indexing. I do not want to index... I have NO desire to index. I do tons of work for deceased people in the temple, I do not need to index every waking moment that I am sitting at home. I am so out of it I don't even crochet or read anymore (which are two of my favorite things to do). Not to mention, I can't even log in to Family Search because for some unknown reason I have TWO record numbers. I am LOCKED out of the system, please stop asking me to index.
I really feel like I am losing it. I do not want to feel this way. I have nearly completely stopped reading my scriptures, I am not praying like I used to either. I need help.. I am begging for help but I am tired of people telling me what they think I should do to fix things. Its like I want help but I don't want help at the same time. People in general are getting on my nerves.
I know this blog is all over the place.. I am on my medicine and it makes my judgment cloudy and my thoughts scattered. I hate this feeling. I just want normalcy. If there even is such a thing.
From the winter of 2010 until a couple of months ago I struggled with depression. I couldn't work, eat, sleep, or get out of bed. I quit praying, reading scriptures, and attending meetings. It has been a long hard road to recovery but I'm finally getting well again. I am taking medication and seeing a counselor now. If you want to talk it out, call or text me 256-609-1758. Hope this helps, I'm not trying to give advice or tell you what to do, just know I care about you.
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