Well, it is that time again. Yes, time for another fantastic blog. I praise my blogs entirely too much. It may be fantastic. The truth is I just like to write- or type for that matter. So even if it is not fantastic to anyone other than myself, as long as I get to express what I feel whenever I feel necessary, I am okay.
My mind has been racing the past couple of days, or more like the past couple months. I have a lot going on lately with my trip back to Bama, and school starting on the 27th. I have a lot to get in order this month. The good news is that my issues lately are not so much heart related as they have been in the past. I have said recently how happy I am. I am happy that I came to a decision for my life and now that my ultimate goal is in sight, I can breathe. Breathing is good, you know?
I am registered for my classes, and thankfully they are all Criminal Justice classes. I am ready to be done. Over ready to be done. I guess as far as work and school goes, work is the only thing that has me kinda stressed out. I acquired a job the Friday that I moved to Cedar, only to lose it yesterday. It was nothing that I did, it was a decision from the CEO who is in Boston to let me go because they actually "didn't need me". So that sucks. I was content, I loved my job and my boss, so this is quite unfortunate. I guess that takes a little stress off of me until school starts. Plus I wouldn't have been working the next two weeks anyway because of being in Alabama.
I am meeting up with a lot of my old friends and family to catch up. So much has changed with me in the past year and a half- and they know it. Normally I am a super open person, but I have become somewhat private as of late. My personal life is really none of anyone's business- however that doesn't mean that people will not pry. I have gotten good at avoiding questions haha.
I have made some pretty significant decisions for my life recently. I will be talking to my mom about life and the future a bit when I am home, it should be a nice conversation. I am excited about the future for myself, but I think that the worst part of everything is waiting, and not knowing. Not knowing exactly what will happen in my life. I know what I want, but the picture I have painted for myself is not necessarily what I will receive. I love the feeling of something new, something that is exciting for the soul. Anything that is pleasing to the Lord is something to be exciting over truth be told. I have been through a lot, most of the people who read my blog know that. Nothing good in life is easy, when it is then it is never good. So my faith and patience are being tested right now. I am being patient, because the Lord does things in his own time- so I wait. Smiling and calm on the outside, but on the inside I am anxious- as that comes with anything worth waiting for. I am developing a type of love in my heart that I have never known before. At times I feel like I should jump the gun and just try to speed things along, but the majority of the time my soul and the spirit remind me that good things come to those who wait. So waiting is mandatory now. Situations need to develop in favor of what my heart wants, I know that much, but I will never tell the Lord what to do. That never plays out very well.
I am getting older, yes 26 is young, I know. However, I have a desire, as most girls in their mid twenties, to have a family, to have a baby that looks like me. How amazing would that be? Nearly every friend I have has children and that is something that makes me want it more. To bring a life into this world, a miracle. I guess that is why I feel so impatient. I am patient but there are times that I feel that something of that magnitude will never happen for me. It is hard to think about having a child of my own. I know 4 or 5 pregnant friends as of right now, and I have played it out in my mind over and over, wondering why I want a family so badly and that is what it has came to. I am ready to be a mom, that is it. I can finish school any time, and I fully plan on it- however a family is something that should never be put on the back burner. I have learned that from experience. So here I am, the ripe age of 26 and for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I would be ready for that at any time from here on. It is a new feeling for me, but it was the lack of love for other people and more love for myself in the past that made me feel inadequate. I love myself yes, and I loved my ex husband, but I think that the want for a family was more him than myself. Now that I am not married I felt that desire kick in overdrive. I told one of my closest girl friends recently how I felt about it. She is nearly the only person I can tell anything like that to. Its crazy how close you get to people to be able to share the most intimate details of your soul to. November 2011 kinda changed my life, in all reality. I have been thinking about the people that I met at the end of last year and I can't help but feel so drawn to them. My comfort level around them exceeds that of anyone else. I love how the spirit works and instills that feeling of peace in my heart when I am around those who my spirit already loves.
Well now that is out. On to other things. I am staring at my fully packed suitcase, and other than the things I need to get ready with in the morning, I am all set. I am a little scared to fly- which is strange. I have been on more planes than nearly everyone I know. I guess when you become an adult you realize how precious life is, and that you need to make the most of it. I would hate for my life to be cut short before I finished all that I want to do here. I am not trying to sound morbid, but it is just a legitimate fear I have.
Well that is about all for now. I am thinking a nap is in order, because Lord knows I am not going to get any sleep on my red eye tomorrow night. I will be leaving Salt Lake at quarter to 1 am, and arrive finally in Huntsville, Alabama at 11:04 am. The next two weeks should be good, but I can tell you now that I will be ready to come home once it is all over with. I will be ready to get back down to southern Utah to relax before school starts. I need this vacation so badly. :)
Until next time.
xoxo
