Life is never easy. And those who think it is, have never truly lived.
I am moving from Provo to Logan, Utah. I am excited about my move but there are things.. or rather people here in Provo that are making me want to stay. My best friend for one. I am going to miss her, my fear is that the people I am close to will forget about me, find a new friend and move on. I mean, that is how the world works. It has always been like that. I made the decision to move because I wanted to get a new start. Meet people who never knew the "big" Jenna. They only know the normal size Jenna.. the active Jenna.. and who knows, maybe I would meet someone in the process. Get married.. have that life. There have been a couple of opportunities lately that I wanted to peruse, but my move is making that VERY difficult. Moving to Logan, so far from everyone is changing everything. I have asked myself why I made that decision.. and it wasn't so much me, but my father in heaven. I received a prompting to go, to get out of Provo. So I have the summer to finish up here with work and school. It should be interesting. I have a feeling I am going to be pretty busy.
My heart is telling me one thing but my head is telling me another. I don't know what to do. So I was told, "Let's just have fun this summer.." So that is what I am going to do. My last summer in Provo, and then on to Logan I go. I have a friend that will be going on a mission soon. I am so sad about it! It breaks my heart that I will not see him for two years. SO much can happen in two years, and neither he or I will be the same person when he comes home. But I plan on writing him as much as he wants me to. Every week, every 2 weeks, every month. Whatever he wants, I want to keep constant contact. He is the closest person I have been to, that is going on a mission now. I have had friends go, but nothing like this. So I am sad. But you know, serving the lord comes first- and I am so proud that he made that decision to go. It is a big sacrifice. But he is not going for about a year anyway.. maybe a little less. He does not want me going to Logan. That was such a hard thing to hear, because it makes me not want to go- at least until he leaves for his mission.. :( I am not going to think about all of the sad things this summer, it is all about having fun, getting to know people, and sometimes there is a cherry on top.
I started at Book X Change in Orem two weeks ago, and I really love it there. It was super chill until finals- we have been pretty slammed and I see it only getting worse. So I have been on my feet a lot the past couple of days. My back is killing me with the amount of books I am carrying. My co workers are "rawr"-ing at me as well.. Oh me. Then they laugh.. it has been an interesting week to say the least.
I posted this on Facebook last night.. just to give you of what a normal day with my best friend is:
"What Mariah has done tonight: Talked in a low voice with a lisp, gnawed on Melanie's face as if she didn't have teeth, pointed at us with her toes, laughed in the hallway and I thought she peed on herself... it was just drool though, laughed hysterically at air (she is still doing that), tried to mimic a crazy persons face and walk in the hallway while staring at me in my bedroom.. although she was laughing too hard by this point to even complete that task, went into the bathroom, said "Damn it!" really loud.. then came in my room and tried to personally take out my hair extensions, fell on top of me trying to grab my hair, rubbed her face on my shoulder like a cat, directed the nutella jar with a butter knife, started eating Nutella..figured she couldn't get anymore Nutella with the butter knife so she attempted to lick the jar, when that didn't work she asked for a pair of scissors, then asked Melanie if she wanted any HAHAHAHA hit me in the shoulder with her pony tail/bun and then said "Hey! She's not the devil Momma!".. oh and last but not least.. tried to dry her arm pits with her flailing hands. dear lord.
Mariah: "Thats awesome. I would like to reward you with 5 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact..." then proceeds to stare at me."
Yep. HAHAHA. It has been very interesting living with her. I love it, and I am really sad to leave. I mean how many fun nights like that can I have? But then I thought, I really need to finish school so, not having my closest friends around except when I come down on the weekends might not be a bad idea. That will give me a chance to finish up as quickly as I can. I will be taking some semesters off, every two. Just because my Pell and Loans will only pay for 2 a year, not 3. So the Summers I will take off, and go in the Fall and Spring, and finish at Utah State University. I will be an AGGIE!!! I really do love that school. I am excited to start there.
Oh quick update.. as you can see I have lost a lot... but the big number is that I have lost 86 pounds since I moved here. YAY!
Anyway, that is as much of an update as I can give for time being. Until next time.
xoxo
I know most of you who follow my blog know about the guy who stole someones pictures of a man and his daughter, told everyone it was him and his daughter. Told countless girls that he was a widower and active LDS. He told so many details... so many lies. Every morning about 6 am he would call me to wake me up... he would tell me how beautiful I was, and how excited he and "Sadie" were to meet me. He made all of these plans with me.. he led me on for two weeks. The morning that he finally told me the truth my world crashed. I cried for hours.. days. For someone to use someone else's life to lure girls in just for their own self satisfaction is not just wrong but it is damaging. As time went on, I thought very little of "Clark", who's name is actually Isaac, and his little girl "Sadie". Last night I found out that not only was the man in the pictures a good friend of a girl friend of mine, but his little girl is actually "Sadie". My friend messaged him on Facebook and explained everything that happened, gave him links, phone numbers, pictures and every detail of how his identity was basically being stolen. I was so happy that the real guy in the pictures finally knew what was going on.. I left her house last night feeling off though. Today has been a particularly rough day with pain and what not, but not only that, I can't get the pictures off of my mind. To be honest, I am jealous of his wife's life. I think honestly that is what it boils down to. That is the life that I want so badly. Just to be happy with someone, with a family. That is all I have ever wanted.
So this guy Isaac is sick in the head, and I hope he pays for what he has done to not only the family he stole pictures from, but myself and other girls of the like. It is so sad that someone can use your own heart against you. I moved to Utah to get out of whatever life I was in, but honestly I have never been treated like I have been treated here. I have never had a guy disrespect me as much as I have been disrespected here by multiple guys. They get into your head, talk down to you, and the saddest part of it all is that they gain your trust by using the Gospel as a crutch. I was warned about Provo, but I was naive and I didn't listen.... it is time to start listening. So I am moving. I am applying to two different colleges: Utah State University in Logan, Utah, and Southern Utah University in Cedar City. I am seeing which one I get accepted to, and then that is where I will go. I know Logan gets colder in the winter and is a really nice area, and I also have a friend and his wife that live there that can kinda show me around.. (hopefully), but living expenses are more there. Then in Cedar City, it is easier to get into the college, living expenses are cheaper but I do not know anyone that lives there right now. The friends I did have moved to Pennsylvania so it would be me starting over, yet again. I could rent a U-Haul and load all of my stuff up and make the 3 hour drive down there and just make it work.
All I want is happiness. I want a husband and a family. Finding it in Provo is not going to happen. So it is time to leave. A year and a half later, and I am giving up in this area. I think a smaller town will be better for me anyway, I am from a small town so I should be able to adjust pretty well. My mind is made up that in the fall I am leaving, but the direction is still up in the air.
I started at a bookstore that works with UVU, and right now I am working 30-40 hours a week which is nice. I do have an interview at Maurices tomorrow at 3, just to see what kind of pay they would offer me and it is an assistant manager position. So we will see what happens. I really like the book store to be honest, but I don't know what is going to happen. I think I am going to the Temple tonight with my friend Jaelynn so I will pray about what I should do while I am there. Anyway.. I have a lot of decisions to make lately and I really need the help from my Heavenly Father, and the support from my friends and family about my decisions. Putting everyone's more selfish feelings of wanting me to stay (I am the same way when friends move away) but I have to do this for me or I will never grow. I have been at a standstill for about a year, and now that my surgery is out of the way, as long as I can deal with the pain in my leg I should do just fine. Wish me luck!!!
xoxo
