November in Utah :)

This move happened so quickly. It's hard to think about the major change that my life has had. A year a go I was married, unhappy, in love, sad, trapped.. and now- I am happy, loved, excited, spiritual and most importantly free. Free from where I lived, free from the drama that was associated with half the people I was friends with, free from satans control over my life. I love where my life is now- so much. 

So my move. The plane ride was scary. I don't know why I was so afraid to fly. I said goodbye to Mom and Bianca, and walked up the terminal. When I got there- there was a problem with the tire on the plane. So they were bringing in a new tire from another airport- in Atlanta. So my flight was rescheduled and I flew on United instead of Delta. I flew from Huntsville to Denver, then to Salt Lake City. It was a short flight, but when I saw the mountains it hit me- that I was really doing this! I got to the airport and my super awesome roommate picked me up. We went and ate at this really awesome place in Salt Lake City and then met up with one of her brothers and toured Temple Square. Seeing the Salt Lake Temple was so amazing. It was so crazy, we saw 6 brides there. So many people getting married! That will be me one day, I hope. 

Then to the apartment. It is so much bigger here than I was expecting! I love it! I lucked out though. I ended up getting amazing roommates! Nagisa- she is from Japan. I am learning so much about their culture from her! and Rachel- she is from Colorado. She served a mission in Latvia which is in the Baltic States in eastern Europe. Slowly she is teaching me Latvian, and I love it! The only two things I know so far is, Vai ne and juu es piekritu which means right and I agree. :) She is such an amazing person, and I am so blessed to have roommates like I do. The night I got in, we went over Robs apartment, to get my stuff from him. It was so good to see him! I have missed him like crazy!

 

Since I have gotten here so much has happened though! On Sunday, we went to church and met everyone in the singles ward. Then after church we went to the Provo Temple. Every missionary from the MTC was there, it was so crazy! I loved it though. It started snowing when we were there which was pretty amazing. That night we went to Ward Prayer which is interesting. Just about everyone in the ward lives in our apartments. 

I started putting in resumes and applications for jobs on Monday, and out of the 15 apps I put in I got 5 calls back. Which isn't too shabby. I was actually hired at 3 places, so I had a choice as to where I was going to work. I took a job with Wholesalematch.com. I love it there! The job is Monday - Friday 9-5. I am so lucky to have found something so quickly and a job I actually like!  I registered for school, and I will be taking a few night classes. I may actually only take one, but Im not sure. I need that bus pass! LOL! The buses are interesting though, and I have mastered them! The 831 picks up in front of my apartment. I can go towards Provo on it or towards UVU. I take the 831 to UVU where I get on the 811 which takes me to the Mt. Timpanoga transit station- where I wait for the 850. The 850 takes me to Provo- but I get off on State St. for work. I pretty much have this down. I probably just confused anyone who reads my blog. And the really cool thing is that my work is a block away from Robs, so I can go hang out with him when I get off work if he is not busy, and I can kick his trash at Halo and Black Ops HA! 

So basically life here is good. The weather is awesome ( I love the cold! ) and the people are amazing. I have a good job, good friends, good ward (But nothing compares to Cullman!) and a great life. I miss everyone so much, but every day I realize why I moved here, and I realize how happy I am here. I am thankful for all of my many many blessings. Our heavenly Father's plan is so amazing, and perfect. He knew what he was doing when he sent me here. Now there is only one thing that could make my life better- to be called as a Missionary. Maybe one day. I am still praying about it.. and I have faith that no matter what happens that the lord will guide me and I will be happy.

Oh and one last thing. The pics that Anthony took are in! :)

A broken heart heals so slowly.

I have come to realize what all I have lost. Not my old friends, not my old life, but someone I love so much and I have realized how bad it hurts to not have him. Once upon a time we were so happy, I just wish it would have lasted longer. I miss him so much I can't hardly stand it. I know that we are over, but I just wish I could shake the feelings I have completely. I tried to suppress them for so long, and I cant pretend like I don't care anymore. I wish he could know what I know now, so we could at least try again. I didn't give enough effort, I ran too quickly at the first sign of smoke when I should have waited it out and tried to make things work. I feel like a helpless cause. I thought I got married for the wrong reasons, but I think we got married for the right reasons, just at the wrong time. I don't know what to do other than pray. That is really all I can do. I look around at all the people I know, who are truly happy, and I think about being there one time. Looking into my husbands eyes and seeing myself. Knowing that my children were going to look just like him. I can't say I never loved him, because if I didn't I wouldn't be hurting this badly now. I have been so upset, and I feel like I just can't stop crying. I think it's because maybe deep down I thought that one day we could try again. That divorce didn't mean the end of US. And now that I am moving away, it's like I know that we are over for good. The odds of him coming to Utah for me are very slim.. almost non existent. I just wish sometimes that I would have tried harder, not griped as much and just loved him more. I would give just about anything to go back to one day of happiness with him. I remember, one night I had a really bad dream that he died. I woke up crying, and I looked over and he was still there.. next to me and sound asleep. I woke him up, I told him what I had dreamed about, and he hugged me and told me that he loved me so much, I begged him, please never leave me and he said, "Jenna, I would never leave you...ever." I never thought at that moment in time that I would ever be where I am now. I love him so much, and I can't help but feel like my chest is crushed. A note to self, never regret something that made you happy- ever. Hold on to who you love for dear life because you could blink and them be gone forever. He said we are two different people, and he is just trying to move on with his life, but I can't accept the fact that he is so easily able to move on and I am falling apart- and dying of a broken heart.  I hope one day that I can feel for one second what I did for him- and be in that moment of happiness. If I could just get that chance one more time, I promise I will never let go of it.

Rambling.

I started packing. Maybe a week too soon, but I have one suitcase done. Delta told me that I have a 50lb weight limit for the flight, and I think one of my suitcases already go over that lol. Mom said that she will ship some stuff to me, or possibly take some things with her when she comes for a visit. It is so hard taking everything I own and stuffing them in two suitcases. Anyway, so that is what I have been doing all day- washing clothes and packing.

Yesterday was such a sad day for me. I was released as a Ward Missionary. It kinda made reality set in a bit. And tomorrow is my last Relief Society shindig here in Cullman. Sometimes I feel like the time before my move is dragging on and other times I feel as though it is flying past me. I just keep in mind that the holy ghost is with me, and my heavenly father knows what he is doing. His plan for me is so perfect and divine. I worry, but I am trying so hard not to. I am so excited to get out to Utah and see my friends though! It is going to be SO exciting! Sometimes I feel like this is all I have to blog about but hopefully soon I will stop talking about it.

On to other things. Okay, really, I am so tired I have nothing else to talk about. Lame I know. I should go to bed.