It has taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on this, because I
know how many people have heard different stories and I really need to
set the record straight.
Last year Shaun's ex girlfriend Jennie basically told him that she
didn't want me listening in on their conversation (he always put her on
speaker, not because I asked him to, he just always did it. I didn't
think anything of it..) I thought her request was odd because it made it
sound like she wanted to keep their conversations secret from his wife.
February I sent a message to her asking if she was still in love
with Shaun. I wanted to know why she wants to keep such a close
relationship with him, and how uncomfortable it makes me feel that they
are so close because of the amount of energy she puts into being so close
to him. I poured my heart out, and after I sent the message she asked if
we could talk on the phone. She told me that she understood how I felt
and that she expected me to come forward eventually with my concerns.
After it was said and done I was okay, for a little while. She knew I
was uneasy with their friendship, but I would never tell Shaun who he
can and cannot be friends with. A few months later she stopped talking
to me. She ignored every text I sent to her (checking on her little girl
when she was sick and the like) it was rare for me to text her but she
flat out ignored me when I did, then she started texting and calling
Shaun nearly on a daily basis. I decided after weeks of her constant
contact with my husband that I would tell her to back off. I sent
another message to her asking her to just back off a bit, she knew how
uneasy she made me and that texting a married man whom she had a 3 year
relationship with was not appropriate. I never told her to stop talking
to him, I simply asked her to slow it down. She came back with a hateful
message telling me that she thought I was unstable and she would not
stop talking to Shaun. She told me that I have taken all of his friends
away and she was all he had left.
First of all, I have never taken a single friend away from Shaun, I have
never told him what to do or who he can and cannot talk to. However,
when you are married, you tend to be not as social with people you were
as close to before of the opposite sex, it just happens. After a long
ordeal of her calling me names and telling me what a horrible person I am, Shaun talked to her and told her to give
us a few weeks without her constantly texting him. The next day she
posted on Facebook how she is no longer allowed to speak to her friend
of 10 years and that he is going through spousal isolation abuse and
that I have taken away his friends, family and hobbies and that she
needed advice to give to him.
I am his wife, so yes he talks to me more than anyone, he spends time
with me, and he doesn't take his girlfriends on outings alone anymore-
that comes with being married. You see, Jennie doesn't understand that
apparently. The entire time she was dating, engaged or married to her
soon to be ex husband she spent plenty of alone time with Shaun, and he
took her out to eat and did activities with her. I would never be okay
with him going out alone with her as he is a married man, and that goes
against everything I believe should happen in a marriage. He is
perfectly fine with that, and our marriage is so good. We never fight or
argue. We have a gorgeous little girl and we are very happy. I have honestly never been as happy as I am now, and the same goes for Shaun. I am not
controlling nor do I care who he talks to, however the everyday texting
from his ex girlfriend was extremely excessive so that is why I asked
her to slow it down. She has since then proceeded to get involved in a family issue with
Shaun's sister, and she continuously posts things about me on Facebook
without ever saying my name- it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know
who she is talking about.
After the first post, Shaun called her and asked her to take it down,
and he told her that was inaccurate and not the situation at all. She
then told him she would go away until she is 100% sure she won't get in
trouble for talking to him. Who said she would get in trouble? Who said
she can never talk to him? She has made me out to be a monster, and she
has thrown the entire situation completely out of proportion. She put words into my mouth that I never said, and made the situation seem like she is a victim and I am the bitch who is out to get her.
It is not okay in my opinion to keep a close relationship with an ex, no
matter who you are, if you are married or even dating someone
seriously. Even with my firm belief on that, I never said he couldn't
speak to her, nor did I tell her she couldn't speak to him. She has managed to convince people that I am this horrible person that
controls Shaun, and that is not even remotely close to how I am. I don't
care what Shaun does, I don't care who he is friends with and what his
hobbies are. I would never take away anything from him- I'm not that
kind of person, I never have been. And anyone who knows me, knows that I am not like that either. This is all coming from a girl who has met me in person maybe 3 times.
I am confused as to why Jennie feels like she needs to be so close to
Shaun though, and why she thinks he would ever take her side over mine. She acts like their friendship means more than our marriage. She has never had to share Shaun with anyone. I am the most
serious relationship of his life, and she is apparently not used to
that. She has always leaned on Shaun and every time she had issues with a
guy, she always ran to him. Being married put a stop to that. It
is blatantly obvious that she has no idea what being committed to
someone means. Her continuous attacks at me has not only disrespected
me, it disrespects Shaun. He is my best friend, my husband and the
father of my daughter- I have replaced her as his best friend,
confidant, and love interest. I am his wife and that is what happens
when you get married. In my opinion, she drug Shaun around for years
while he waited on her to come back to him, to ultimately chose someone
else. She used him to get over this one and that one- I just do not
understand how she thought treating him like that would ever be okay. I
would never do that to anyone- it has been done to be before though, and
it sucks.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am the nicest person you will ever meet
until you attack me, my friends or my family. In this case she attacked
all three. I could have said that she is absolutely not needed anymore
in his life and I would like her to never speak to him again, but I
didn't. I could have called her a home wrecker and countless other
names, but I didn't. Her true character came out 3 weeks ago, and every
time she says something else it burns just a little more of the bridge. I
honestly have nothing for her. I do not want her in his life anymore-
not after the way she has treated me or him. She needs to focus on her
own family rather than try to involve herself in mine. Whatever giant
place she feels like she has in Shaun's life was filled by his family, and in all honesty, she really is not needed anymore.
Everyone I have ever explained this situation to have all said the same
thing, "I would never be okay with my husband having a friendship with
his ex, and she has more than over stepped the line."
The thing is, it isn't Shaun I worry about, it is her. I have absolutely no trust for this girl now, especially after everything that has happened. But even all that aside, her blatant
disregard for Shaun's marital status baffles me.
So that is the story, and what is going on. So for all of you that have
thought that I am this monster that Jennie has created in her mind, let
me assure you, I am the exact opposite. I am not the one who wants a
close relationship with my ex boyfriend who's is now married. I would
never disrespect someone the way she has done my entire family. Maybe
one day she will learn how to put her big girl panties on and get over
it, and how to respect when someone is married. Maybe she will learn how
to put as much effort as she does into my marriage with Shaun into her
own family. It's sad that she is so unhappy that she feels the need to
involve herself in my husbands life. I would hate to be so pathetic that
the only entertainment I get is by trying to rip others down. I would
never think that a married guy-friend's life revolves around me- I would
never be that naive. But then again, she is young. Maybe she just needs
time- although by the time I was 16 I knew the kind of respect she
lacks. This isn't a bash on her, it is however, an observation- a pretty accurate one, if I do say so myself.
This ordeal is far from being over. I am sure she will try to come back into his life, and once again I will have to tell her to back off, as I am sure she will over step the line again. It is apparent she has no grasp of what a boundary means. I could have gotten on Facebook and called her all the names that she called me- publicly, I could have called her and cussed her out and told her exactly what I thought of her- but thankfully, my mother taught me to have more class than that. If I could erase her memory from Shaun's mind, I would. At this point, after the hell I have been through with this girl, I would do it in a heartbeat. I really just want her to understand where I am coming from, instead of saying I am unstable or crazy simply because I do not want my husband's ex constantly in contact with him. A monogamous marriage is between two people, a polygamist marriage is between more than two. Shaun and I have a monogamous marriage, therefore, it does not include Jennie Waite. It includes Shaun Bailey & Jenna Bailey. It is my husband and I. I honestly do not know how else to explain it. It is simple. I am at a loss though. His friendship with her was innocent on his part, but I do not believe it was on hers. Their friendship meant a lot to him, but he was perfectly fine keeping it a minimum for my sake, she, however, was not. So what does that say about her? That she is selfish? Yeah, I would say so. It was all or nothing for her. Either she talks to him multiple times a week, or not at all. Is it completely crazy for me to think that she has no right to give him any type of ultimatum? I don't even do that to him. So who is the abusive one? I would say that she abused her privilege of being friends with a married man, and in the end, he is the one who suffered.
Shaun is my best friend. My husband. My entire world.. And even though I am sure she is confident he and I will never last, I am not going anywhere and neither is he. We are playing for keeps.. We take 'til death do us part seriously. We will grow old together, and watch our children and grand children grow up. Even if he and I were on the rocks, we would fix it, not walk away. Unlike most of her relationships, Shaun and I have never had issues what so ever, and the only thing that has caused some stress is this situation. Really, it is not even worth our time anymore. Worrying about my husband's ex should be the absolute last thing on my mind. So instead of dwelling on it anymore today, I am going to go play with my daughter, and put my time into something actually worth while.
